Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
