can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
