Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
