I think I am morally bankrupt
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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