we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he shaved USA in his pubs
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
