you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
