it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
