i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
