What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
