He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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