I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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