I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
