Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
