We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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