I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
