i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
