remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
