My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
