I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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