you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
