i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
