I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
