I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
