A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
