We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
