And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
ttyl tear gas
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
