I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
