I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
