i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
