wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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