This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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