i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
