he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
