Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
