She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
