Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
