my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
