If i come over, it means nothing
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sext me about skeletons
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
