it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he fucked my hip out of place.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
