She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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