i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
