help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i came on her dog
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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