The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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