hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
