I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
