Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
