Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
