: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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