I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
