If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
