yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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