I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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