WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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