it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
