Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
