508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
