Michael Bay diarrhea
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
