im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
