You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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