Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
