even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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