I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he laminated a picture of his dick.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
